Self-Focus: Characteristics for A Healthy Relationship

We change; we cannot change another. Taking responsibility for our own actions and their effects is a full time job. Job #1 is taking responsibility for the person that looks back at us in the mirror. By mirror, I mean mirror of our hearts, not assessment of our appearance!

Doing that job well matures a person. Self-focus allows us to:

  1. Face our feelings and our needs so we can express ourselves and ask for help.

  2. Acknowledge what we do well and what needs change.

  3. Attend to our own consciences and attitudes.

Through self-focus, we take ownership of our own motives and agendas. We can ask ourselves if we are genuinely pursuing what is true, good, just, pure, lovely, excellent or praiseworthy. If not, we can face it and move towards change.

Self-focus also moves us to pray and live the Serenity Prayer: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Through self-focus, we start asking a very mature question: “What am I doing?” rather than “What are they doing?” or “What are they doing to me?” It can liberate us from being controlling and demanding, and from seeing ourselves as controlled by others.

Blog Series: Characteristics of a Healthy Relationship

1. Humility

2. Equality

3. Respect for Differences

4. Self Focus

5. Living the Process